THE NINTH INNING

As a Seniors Move Manager I meet a lot of adult children who lament that their parent(s) won’t consider moving because it signals the end of their life……their last move.

I love sports analogies, and one struck me recently. There have been a lot of really great ninth innings of baseball games. My personal favourite was the 6th game of the World Series at the Skydome in October of 1993. The Blue Jays went to bat in the bottom of the 9th inning behind 6-5. The crowd was going crazy. In the end, thanks largely to Joe Carter, we won the game 8-6. But all anyone remembers (with great joy) is that 9th inning. That ninth inning doesn’t have to be sad or depressing, it can be the greatest inning of the game. It’s all in how you play it. When I think back to my dad, he certainly made the most out of his ninth inning, and we all have many fond memories of the years he spent living in his retirement residence.

The other perspective is that not all games end after the ninth inning. The longest game in Major League Baseball history lasted 26 innings. So you can’t assume that ‘the end is near’ when the 9th inning starts. The game may go on much longer. My dad enjoyed almost 6 years at his retirement residence. For him it truly became his home.

So if you are involved with, or are a senior who is considering moving, put on your baseball cap, step up to the plate, and prepare to swing for the fence! You might be surprised by how much fun it can be!

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Independence

For years the most well-known application of the word ‘independence’ was the Declaration of Independence, which announced that the 13 American states were no longer a part of Great Britain. In this political context, the meaning of the word was fairly clear.

As teenagers we all travelled along the road to independence, not necessarily using that specific label, but very clearly we wanted to be able to make our own decisions and choose our destiny ‘independent’ of the rules of the parents we had grown up with.

Today, as soon as you mention ‘seniors’ the term ‘independence’ is not far behind. Countless marketing campaigns promise to help seniors maintain their independence. Symptoms of anxiety, stress and depression in seniors are attributed to their loss of independence. Today we talk more about loss of independence than about gaining independence.

This has made me wonder what independence really means. So I asked my 22 year old niece if she was independent. She said yes. And then we started to talk about it. Are any of us really totally independent? I’m almost 60 and I still depend on others for some things that are really important to me. I can make my own decisions, but often choose to do so only after I have consulted with and allowed myself to be influenced by family and friends.

For me independence means that no one controls me, or has ‘ultimate power’ over me. But independence does not necessarily mean that I don’t need any help, or that I don’t rely on others for help. Where the line gets drawn in practical terms between those two statements is a very individual thing. Based on our clients I can see that some people feel a loss of independence as soon as they need help with almost anything, and others manage to maintain an aura of independence long after they require more help.

My conclusion is that we would do well to talk about this a lot more when we are in our “middle years”. We spend a lot of time preparing our children for ‘independence’. Shouldn’t we spend at least as much time preparing for a potential loss of ‘independence’.

What are your thoughts?

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So You Want Me to Be Your Executor?

It is not difficult to find a list of things that someone should consider before they dry the ink on their will and name the Executor. These are important lists because there are countless tales of estates in disarray because not enough thought was given to the Executor selection.

But I’m also surprised that I don’t see more lists that advise potential Executors on what they need to consider, or ask, before they accept the responsibility. I know that the first time I was asked I just said “Yes!”, I was so honoured to have been asked. And the first time I actually had to act as an Executor I quickly realized how much I wished I had asked (in this case) my aunt more questions. It is easy to know some of the basics, but the devil is in the details and many of the ‘little things’. And I was never sure if we handled some of those in a way that would have made her happy.

So here is the start of a list of questions, and I invite you to suggest others that need to be asked.

1. Have you preplanned your funeral and documented what you want?

2. If not, would I have to pay the funeral expenses until the estate reimburses me?

3. Do you have a list somewhere of everyone you want to be notified of your death?

4. Are there possessions you have that aren’t listed in the will that you want to go to specific people?

I look forward to your comments and input!

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The Benefits of Decluttering

People often assume that decluttering means our goal is to throw a lot of things into the trash. However I believe that the emphasis should be on the sorting…sorting the valuable and useful from the unnecessary. When a decluttering project is complete some things will have been discarded. But more importantly we will have found some valuable and useful things that we can put into an identified and secure location for when we need them.

Recently I was speaking to an expert in Geriatric Emergency Management and she highlighted something we should be looking for and isolating when we are doing decluttering projects with seniors. That is a medical history file. I was quite surprised when we spoke to learn how many seniors visit hospital emergency rooms every day. If they have had a fall, or are in pain, it can be very difficult to learn their history verbally. If they came in with a file that had lists of their doctors and last dates seen, lists of surgeries, lists of medications, emergency contacts and so on it could expedite the process and would help to ensure that they get the most appropriate treatment as quickly as possible.

So if you are working with a senior to declutter make sure that you take the opportunity to construct a medical history file and put it in an accessible location for easy retrieval in an emergency.

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Tip #1: “Queen for a Day”

If you are a Boomer like I am then you may recall this TV show that ran in the late fifties/early sixties. It was an early “game show” where women vied to gain the title and a lot of great prizes.

What is the connection to moving seniors? Last week we moved Ruth and Ed, a couple in their 80’s, to a Retirement Residence. Their son and daughter-in-law were also there during the process, helping to get things organized. From the time I arrived to start the packing it was clear that Ruth was suffering from a lot of anxiety about the move. As I had time to assess the situation I realized that it was because she wasn’t in control of the process. Her health had weakened and she really didn’t have the physical or emotional strength to make all the decisions and make things happen. However, that is exactly what she had spent her whole life doing. And she felt horrible that she couldn’t be in charge of the overwhelming task at hand.

So what to do? My suggestion is to tell the senior in your life that they’re going to be “Queen (or King!) for a Day” or two. For move day, plan an interesting outing that includes events that your “queen” or “king” would love to do.  If you are managing the move you may need to enlist the help of friends or other family members to go with that special someone. Include an overnight stay so that when your “queen” or “king” arrives at their new home everything is unpacked and set up so that it looks a lot like home. You may not be able to put everything together exactly as they would have liked, but it will be good enough, and it will be a place for them to start as they make it their own.

The key to getting through the stressful event of a move is to make it fun. So treat the senior in your life like royalty, and give them a day they’ll never forget…..in a good way!

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